CELEBRITY TRAFFICKING UNCOVERED
By Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears
http://moscowdoesntbelieveintears.blogspot.com/

In a recent radio interview, Madonna announced that she would no longer perform “Like a Virgin” under any circumstances except one. “Unless somebody paid me like $30 million or something. [Like if] some Russian guy wants me to come to the wedding he’s going to have to a 17-year-old, you know it.” If this sounded like an amusing hypothetical to Madonna, to certain oligarchs, it sounds more like a dare. And many of them are drawing big names for a lot less money. For the West’s top stars, appearing at a private party in Moscow is this millennium’s version of starring in a weird Japanese commercial. Plus, the only media sources tracking Hollywood’s submission to the almighty ruble are stuck on this miserable ice reef. According to the Russian tabloids, the following celebs were not in town to visit the Kremlin Museums. 

A Ferrari accident left oil titan Suleyman Kerimov with burns over 70 percent of his body, but that did not stop him from partying with Shakira and Christina Aguilera on his 40th birthday. The divas performed 40-minute sets for $1 million each. Tabloids hold that the normally reticent Roman Abramovich was a maniac on the dance floor. 

Whoever you are, whatever your pedigree, Moscow can buy you. Take Academy Award winner  Gwyneth Paltrow. As the centerpiece of a Martini-sponsored party, she was paid over $1 million to stand in a glass cage for photo ops. It was, she told The Guardian, “the weirdest experience of my life.” 

Taking the stage at Gazprom’s fifteenth-anniversary party, Tina Turner tried to warm the crowd, which included the current and former presidents, with a “How ya doin?” only to be greeted with a sea of blank faces. Deep Purple, Dmitry Medvedev’s favorite band, also made an appearance.

Azeri businessman Telman Izmailov is a man of varied tastes. On the one hand, he throws down the big bucks to be privately entertained by the likes of Jennifer Lopez, whom the Russian rags blasted for complaining about her hotel and not paying her bills. But he’s also a man who sees the value of a good laugh: one special night with Danny DeVito cost him 80000 euros.

“Deripaska Gives Black Woman to Abramovich as Present” the headlines proclaimed when an aluminum tycoon invited Rihanna to give a private performance for his oligarch buddies. The singer commanded a modest $500,000 for the evening. 

When Troika Dialog’s value reached $1 billion, the Russian investment bank’s employees were treated to a very special corporate picnic, which culminated in a surprise concert by Prince. The artist insisted that no one photograph his foray into Moscow’s celeb trade; only a few grainy cell phone snaps exist as proof that he was even there.

Sixteen-year-old Kira Plastinina’s milk-mogul father did more than bankroll his child’s fashion-design label. For her debut collection, he flew in the best friend $2 million could buy: Paris Hilton. He also paid for the socialite’s luxury hotel suite, where she slept in and was late for meal appearances.

THE REST: 

JLo and P Diddy @ Secretary of the State Pavel Borodin’s 60th birthday party. Kylie Minogue and Geri Halliwell @ Nafta-Moskva New Year’s party. George Michael @ Vladimir Potanin’s New Year’s party. Beyonce @ a Telman Izmailov party. Robbie Williams @ Telman Izmailov party. Natalie Imbruglia @ Cara & Co. (Moscow boutique) parties.