Congratulations, young people of Russia! It’s your year — 2009 is officially the Year of Youth. But before you get too excited, you should know that the authorities did not do this to celebrate you. They did this to highlight the fact that you are lazy, drug-addicted hamburger eaters who are driving their great nation into the ground. In fact, they’ve made a 3 1/2-minute PSA to guilt-trip you about it. Now don’t take it too personally; Mommy and Daddy are just stressed about the financial crisis — which, by the way, you caused by not having enough babies. (Why the hell did you think they made 2007 “Year of the Child”?) The video, along with our handy translation, after the jump.

THE YEAR OF YOUTH – transcript
Images are described where relevant, in parentheses.

If you were waiting for the moment, looking for opportunities to change your life,
The time has come
A time for change
Your time

Russia
1,000 years
Faith (the face of a priest floats by)
Labor (ditto a laborer)
Intellect (Dmitry Mendeleyev)
Bravery (Yury Gagarin)
Patience
Love (Alexander Pushkin)
Millions of lives
You (a silhouette)
(Cue music and old footage of peasants, war, other Russian things)

The biggest country on earth
The richest country on earth (a bridge, a nuclear explosion)
The best country on earth (a cosmonaut)
But your country [illegible] won’t exist...

You don’t do anything; you just exploit it (the feet of a person lying in bed)
School is your profession
And it is useless to the nation
You work for some random guy
You drink
You smoke
You get high (anatomical diagrams illustrate what these habits do to you)
You will die between the ages of 55 and 60

Kids — not in your plans
A family — not in your plans
Joining the army — not in your plans

Everything is about you, you, you (an emo guy chowing down on a Big Mac)
Look around
Wake up!!! (a hand pushes emo guy’s head away)
This is how you live your life, believing you’re spending it on something worthwhile
All you’ll leave behind is a tablet and 16 digits (A picture of “your” face on a headstone with the caption “Was” and dates of your birth and death. “You” were born in 1990, so we guess you’re 19.)

Quit kidding yourself (A guy with ripped abs, angel wings and a halo loses the wings and halo and sprouts red horns.)
You are on your way to creating nothing, building nothing, producing nothing, engineering nothing. (An airplane hovers over industrial cityscape.)

NOTHING

You think you don’t have anything to do with Russia, (a guy in a hoodie smokes a cigarette) that the decisions are all made by someone else, somewhere else
But in reality, she (Russia) has no one besides you. (Your silhouette in front of a sea of waving hands.) You are her present, future, past, first and last hope
And that’s a scary thought, because you (more of the hoodie guy and his cigarette) don’t need anything

You’re a consumer
A battery
In a huge, foreign machine
What do you consider valuable?
Money? (Businesspeople walking around)
Phone? (An iPhone)
Hip threads? (a woman shopping)
Car? (a foreign car flips over and lands)
Parties? (Green beer bottles erupt like champagne)
All of these are worth nothing
While your life comes at the cost of your time and your dreams that never were

Take a look around
Your country is dying (top view of a globe with Russia in red. Glassy pipelines spout from Russia and its red is siphoned to other countries.)
In the global economy, we are the lumberjacks and the miners (footage of busy lumberjacks.)
We are not fit to compete. They will rip us apart the first chance they get
No great discoveries (smelting?), no great victories (soccer players), no great culture (footage of Misha the Olympic bear floating away at the closing ceremony of the 1980 Games)

NOTHING

(A fake newspaper flashes various headlines)
Here’s your freedom for you
Freedom to be a bandit or a prostitute
Freedom of self-destruction?
Freedom to stoop?
Freedom to be a nobody?

Those who preceded you fought, built, innovated, fell, picked themselves up and carried on so that you would live. They had built a great nation. (A map of Russia growing into its current shape)

And you?

Are you an ungrateful brute, or one who could change the world? (The earth rotating.) A nobody or a hero? The last or the first? Choose for yourself, but know this…
There is no one except you. No one else can live your life for you. There are two options for our nation: rebirth or oblivion.
Find answers at www.godmol.ru

(AB: this post has been edited since I originally misread the name of the site. Oops. Thanks, Alice S.)