The Russian blogosphere conveniently, if bafflingly, revolves around LJ. Each week, RUSSIA! scans the chatter and brings you the top five topics.

Russia's Oil Capital: not not too shabby.

• To start—a photo essay. Blogger murlonio presents: Russia's oil capital—a real shit hole. The freezing, dilapidated, insect-swarming little town of Nizhnevartovsk produces millions of tons of oil and natural gas a year and, like a good indentured peasant for its master Moscow, rots obediently as it keeps Mother Russia alive. Commenters come to patriotic defense, grumbling that certain Russian metropolis' parts suck also. [Нефтяная столица России!]

Political cartoons via USSR Criminal Ass Press.

• Blogger avmalgin passes on a gallery of anti-Soviet tattoos, scribbled in a uniform style onto incarcerated felons' backs and asses, featuring anti-communist, anti-semitic, misogynistic stupidity of all kind with motifs of hammers, sickles, skulls and elephantine genitalia, as well as many-faced devils, Stalin, Jesus, a naked-broad-pulled plow and pigs with tits. Such heart! Some of these were forcibly removed by prison doctors. Commenters don't like the tattoos either. Neither will you. ["Мочи господ коммунистов!"]

Actual Moscow traffic jam. Seriously.

• Traffic in Moscow is so bad, officials want to build an underground Moscow-double directly below. It will mimic the city grid so Muscovites can finally walk to work. Response: "Just wait until it sinks by itself and build over it!" (Cue Futurama theme song.) Until then, main Moscow streets are being seeded with intentionally mutated tree breeds. True story. [Феерия] [После кризиса Тверскую и Садовое засадят деревьями-мутантами ]

The Miss LiveJournal Losers - sorry, ladies!

• In dork news: Miss LiveJournal is finally crowned, out of all these eager ladies. Also, "Righteous Russia" Party leader Igor Zotov damns designer/Russia's most popular blogger/our sometimes collaborator Artemy Lebedev as a rude disgrace to the country's image. Why? Because of "Boobs Saturday?" [Главная красавица ЖЖ!] [Политики хотят «помочь» Теме Лебедеву прославиться - сделают его невыездным! Вот это да!]

That looks fun! Can I try?

• The governor of Perm Region Oleg Chirkunov now fights corruption via daily LiveJournal posts. Seems that for Russian youth, it's cool to be righteous again. Chirkunov spreads the word about certain "clubs" capitalizing prettily on the trend and charging $116 to inaugurate the little chumps as policemen helpers with special titles. Haw-haw! [Моя ночная работа]