The Russian blogosphere conveniently, if bafflingly, revolves around LJ. Each week, RUSSIA! scans the chatter and brings you the top five topics.

• This week's WTF viral war is brought to you by Eurovison and blogger carefree-man. For whatever reason, Swedish group Grotesko decided to turn one of their noxious dance songs into one giant burn aimed exclusively at Russia, complete with gratuitous mockery of the Russian Army Choir and a crew of pants-less dancers with red stars on their asses, jiggling to the chorus of "You're welcome, Lenin, good-bye, Putin." Then, Russian band Plehanovo retaliated with a goblin-style video re-mix for rutube that calls the Swedes a bunch of nancy boy screw-ups who lost to Russia in battle at Poltava and at soccer last year... but in a much more colorful language. Commenters chant up some soccer cheers, general stupidity continues.[Рунет ответил шведам на песню "До свидания, Путин"]

• Blogger angel-s-dream from South-East Russia recorded the biggest urban fire since World War Two, ironically, on this year's Victory Day (May 9... what, you didn't know?). The flames rose over 650 feet, the heat could be felt from half a mile, and all the citizens stampeded down the street for a better look. So now we know what an underground oil pipe explosion looks like. Yikes. [Про разрыв газопровода и пожар]

• Blogger katipeja asks the Russian male population: if a woman you're interested in having a family with despises the presence of children, barfs at the sight of infants, and goes green at the thought of pregnancy - what do you do? Amidst all the horrified "What kind of woman is that!" some attempts at reasoning are made: "Infants don't inspire me to coo and jump around them with a rattle either. But hate? Psychiatric counseling wouldn't hurt." "Wait 'till she turns 25." and "Women who've had children are better and more tender lovers. Just saying." Wait... what? A super long and uncomfortable comment thread follows. [Ваша избранница - чайлд фри.]

• Chronically cynical blogger egland theorizes that if Russia was taken over by the enemies ("Which usually means Americans... because who else would it be, Kazakhstan?") - it wouldn't be that bad or rather, it wouldn't be any worse: "What can they do here that's not going on already? Steal the oil? Not like I'm getting paid for it anyway. Put us under strict occupational law where bribes are illegal and thieves go to jail? Go ahead! Bring in lawless occupants to squash people with Hummers and take all that they like? Any government bureaucrat or copper can do that now anyway." Commenters make a group effort to scare him with American obesity, Iraq war updates and Chinese invaders. "So I'll have to eat with chopsticks. Big woop! At least they hang people for bribery there." Once pessimism sinks into the Russian soul, it's for life. [Если нас захватят США]

• Blogger hasid gives an illustrated lecture on the history and function of Roosevelt's Victory Gardens and wonders why Russian "miniputins" won't do it now. A commenter whines: "I don't really want to eat stuff that grows in Moscow..." while others give US kudos on the positive propaganda techniques. Somehow, this devolves into a debate on Putin's manliness in which a blogger with a Ron Jeremy avatar defends the macho, macho man: "Putin catches fish, flies airplanes, and saves people from tigers." [Огородничество в США в Великую Депрессию]