The Russian blogosphere conveniently, if bafflingly, revolves around LJ. Each week, RUSSIA! scans the chatter and brings you the top five topics.

• Writer Evgeny Basin reports that a pseudo-New Age, Christian-mystic sect is taking credit for pop singer Alla Pugacheva's recent retirement. The Russian Cher/Madonna/Liz Taylor has called it quits after 44 tabloid-ridden years of husky mega-hits, shocking stage antics, and a string of husbands. The Council of the Churches of the Black Aries stated that they have long prayed for Pugacheva's eventual protosoznaniye (proto-enlightenment... pfft-wha?), but are pleasantly surprised at the speediness of God's reply. [Ответственность за уход со сцены Пугачевой взяла на себя секта]

• Photojournalist Gennadiy Avramenko continues to annoy his LJ friends with more gushing recounts of his last few days with "famous boxer and actor Mickey Rourke" who's been visiting for the Moscow premier of the Wrestler. He describes Rourke as "simple as a Florida redneck" but laid-back, friendly and obliging. In the latest photo, the actor is lounging around on the floor eating ice cream and drinking mineral water in a vaguely Hasselhoffian tableau. [И снова Рурк].

• A social psychologist realizes that Russia's entire government ideology consists of blaming Americans for everything. He provides a point-by-point sarcastic outline of all Russia's major problems and how "Americans did it." Highlights: after breaking up the U.S.S.R., we imported crime and drugs via Hollywood films, invented AIDS and made the youth into womb-less perverts with our pornography, ruined Russia's chances at the Olympics by bribing judges, and attacked Russia via Georgia. Response: "Americans also invented LiveJournal so that Russians would sit around for hours powdering each others' brains instead of laboring for the good of the country..." [Наша идеология]

• Blogger karleev witnesses an old lady, saddled with groceries, fall face down in the Metro after a young man refused to give up his seat (this lack of courtesy is an even bigger taboo in Russia). He holds up the incident as proof that any man who refuses to give up his seat is impotent. One woman is glad to hear it: "I'll be choosing a mate from among the standing, then." [Про импотентов]

• Blogger j-a-s-s-s reposts an interview with the monitors of a sex trade web site in which the industry's inner workings are explained. Post includes brothel etiquette and answers to the burning questions like, "Where did these girls come from?" The real controversy: the post ends up featured on Russian LJ's front page, to the blogger's chagrin. I'm sure he'll be even more pleased to end up in our round-up. [Как ходить в бордели]