The Russian blogosphere conveniently, if bafflingly, revolves around LJ. Each week, Russia! scans the chatter and brings you the top five topics.

• Russia's Interior Ministry unveils its most ruthless initiative yet: passengers will soon be forbidden from boarding air or water transport while intoxicated and getting shitfaced in transit. Stricter penalties for "hooliganism" will likely be enforced. "Say what?" angry LJers respond. "Even pilots don't fly sober." [В самолетах введут сухой закон]

• Ushering in a new era of pickup lines, a horoscope convincingly matches each sign of the zodiac to a household item. Virgos are video cameras ("You look at the world carefully, taking in everything"), and Leos are vacuum cleaners ("Compared to you, no one else can be heard."). Surprisingly, comments hover in the "That's so me" range. [гороскоп по бытовым приборам...]

• Elsewhere, a homily about philanthropy. There was once a Russian tour guide who gave the job her all every day in hopes an American tourist would leave her a $100 tip. Now no longer a tour guide, she retains the habit of looking at each person as a possible $100, and thus is always ready to help a friend in need. Commenters divided over whether this is a great model for customer service or disgusting. [Каждый человек как $100]

• The Russians have their own version of "Chuck Norris facts" for their ultra-Orthodox, patriotic, singing, figure skating, actor-slash-pectoral muscle named Nikita Djigurda. You know, stuff like "Nikita Borisovich Djigurda once set off for the Taiga without a map or compass. A few hours later, the Taiga was lost in Djigurda." So far, bloggers are not impressed with the jokes, but we'll give it time.[Никита Джигурда - русский Чак Норрис]

• You'd think alcohol consumption would increase in times of economic hardship, but Russia's vodka production has fallen by 7.6% in the past year. One blogger solves the puzzle for us: It's because we can't sell to minors anymore, stupid! Seems like a silly law; it's not like they can drive, anyway. [А вот это - трагедия!]

Photo: Nikita Djigurda's Sensitive Side