Don’t ever try to deduce what a Russian billionaire is thinking. You will get sued for defamation. Just ask the Times of London. They ran a story on Sunday alleging that Roman Abramovich was considering selling his football club, Chelsea; now it’s Wednesday and the judge is already hearing the case. Abramovich and the team are suing the paper’s parent company, Times Newspapers Limited, for an unspecified amount.

To be fair, the Times didn’t quite say that Abramovich was thinking about selling the team; they said he was “taking soundings over” selling it, which we can only assume means Abramovich has super sonar powers. But then, outing someone as a superhero is arguably just as bad if not worse than trying to interpret his intentions about selling his Premier League club.

The Times’ shaky interpretation is based on things the oligarch “did” recently, including discussing selling the team with members of the Saudi royal family and some investors in the United Arab Emirates. So, nothing suspicious at all. Abramovich, meanwhile, contends that he doesn’t have “the slightest intention” of selling the team. Now wouldn’t it be great if he sold the team and won the suit at the same time?