Have you noticed your junk folder filling up faster lately? A recent study by the Moscow-based Kaspersky Lab reveals what we've long suspected: Russia is the world’s number one spam distributor and the leading innovator in virus technology. While China still made more viruses in 2008, Russia’s were more complex. But there was no contest when it came to spam: Russia produces 22 percent of the world’s junk-mail messages to the United States’ 16 percent. You may wonder how a country with so few computers and a non-Latin alphabet can manage to distribute so much spam. Well, a lot of Russian spam is written in English. In fact, there may be some sitting in your spam inbox right now! Read on to learn the telltale signs.

The most important criterion in identifying Russian spam is whether the message regards penis enlargement. If it doesn’t, it probably isn’t Russian spam. Now let’s try some examples:

“Your penis reminds a toy.” This is definitely from a Russian spammer because of the Pnin-esque use of “reminds” (napominayet, which also means “is reminiscent of”). Not a widely applicable rule, but if you see it, case closed.

“Do you believe in miracles? We guess you're likely to give a negative answer.” The “negative answer” clearly betrays the author as foreign, but Russian? Perhaps. When the phrasing is overly formal or resembles military-speak, there’s a very good chance.

“The men always would like, that at them all was more, than at others. When the speech comes about penis, if the man speaks you, that to him all the same with what at him the size of the member - he dissembles.” A lot of red flags here. Commas preceding the words “that” and “than” are a dead giveaway, as is the use of the construction “When the speech comes about X.” Not to mention all the business about “to him” and “at them.” This thing is so bad, we’d assume it came through an online Russian-to-English translator if it weren’t for the title: “All Mens Need This.” Oh, does we?

Россия стала лидером по спаму и "инновационности" вредоносных программ [Kommersant]