It’s a dark day for the world’s budding space playboys: Roskosmos has announced it will discontinue its space tourism program after 2009. You can still blow $20 million dollars, you just can’t do it at Star City. In theory, it’s about the math: the space agency discovered that by eliminating one eccentric rich person from each Soyuz mission (much the way American Airlines once did with olives in salads), they can fit more cosmonauts on the international space station and thus get more work done. That’s the official story. But we know what this is really about: foreigners.

By foreigners I mean you and me and all six of the Roskosmos space tourists. Space tourism was one of the last vestiges of that crazy, up-for-grabs era when Westerners in Russia were kings. The one where all you had to do to get into a hip club was flash your American passport. Where there were two different entrances at Pizza Hut: one for Russians (a long line) and one for foreigners (immediate, sit-down service). Space tourism, which turned wealthy foreigners into fake cosmonauts and actual cosmonauts into chauffeurs, was a continuation of this embarrassing legacy.

So it’s a wonder they didn’t shut this thing down a long time ago. They can’t have been making that much money from it, as a big chunk of the $20+ mil probably goes to the travel agent, Virginia-based Space Adventures, Ltd. And the publicity the tourists generated, though ample, also gave the impression that Roskosmos – remember when they put the first man in space? – was wearing a “For Sale” sign. This wouldn’t have been so conspicuous if some Russian oligarchs had signed up, but oligarchs won’t go into space until you can have sex there.

But here comes the kicker: the last space tourist to visit the ISS will be software executive
Charles Simonyi. Who already went! So I guess if you invent Microsoft Word, you get to go to space twice. And then no one else can go. That’s fair.

Russia Says No ISS Space Tourists After 2009 [RIA Novosti]
Earlier: Star City Limits [RUSSIA!]